No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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