i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
