Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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