Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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