i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have feelings that need drinking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
