I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
