god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
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all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
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I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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