I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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