We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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