he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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