My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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