12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
