4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
