I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
