I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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