oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
