Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
