i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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