there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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