i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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