You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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