Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
