Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
