This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
