Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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