Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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