Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
