I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
