OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
