She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
