I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
