Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
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You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.