I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.