well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.