One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
