i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
