Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
