i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
