Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
