I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize