The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Randomize
