masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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