What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
