and you said cock pushups were impossible
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize