I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
