My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize