Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
