So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
