okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
