I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
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A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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