Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
