The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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