He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
