Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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