Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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