I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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