but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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